I’m a little bit afraid to say that sometimes I’m happy. I have had so much see-sawing in the last year, too many violent swoops. It’s not that I can’t handle more, I know I can–but I want to stay happy for a minute. It’s precarious. I feel a little like I’ve had too much caffeine, except I don’t do caffeine any more, so I know it’s not that. It’s just a little internal bounce.
I don’t want to pick it apart, this giddy little feeling. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to say it, because once I say I keep saying and words start spilling everywhere and I can’t stop myself from thinking out loud. And sometimes all those words crush things. So instead I’m just whispering it a little here, giving it a tap to make sure it’s not imaginary, and then looking away with a half a smile, quickly.
I’ve been there. Afraid to say anything because giving it a name makes it a thing and things are easily broken. Much better to enjoy the magic and not ask questions. :)
Oh I so get this.
whispering back,
H
I’m superstitious like this, too. I wonder what it takes to overcome it?
Yeah, I guess there’s a little superstition involved. But I think for me it’s also an acknowledgment that I have a tendency to overanalyze, and sometimes that gets in the way of actually experiencing–and I want to experience this, even if it’s just for a minute. I think that might be a way to overcome it. :)
I can completely relate.
But instead of analyzing the happiness you feel, maybe try just relaxing and enjoying it. Really drink it in. That’s what I try to do now because I can remember a time, not too long ago, when I wondered if I would ever truly feel happy again.
And I can say with strong confidence, that yes, I definitely feel it. :)
Hugs!
I never used to keep things a secret. I used to spill them out, assuming that if I shared them it made my world more real, more bright. I’ve finally learned to scale back a little. To choose who I tell. And then to whisper.
I so get this. So so so.
When happiness comes back, I think the suprise of it all makes us double.. bounce…y.
Can you keep a secret? I’m happy too. Go figure. ;)